you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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