You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
