The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
