got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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