I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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