By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
