Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
