Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
