Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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