dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
