My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
