I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
