Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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