What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
