it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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