God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
