I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
