Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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