i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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