farters have to be the big spoon...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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