You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
