Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
