Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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