we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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