I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh god heâ€™s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire