Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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