you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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