So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
