why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it glows. i had to have it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
