I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I sprained my soul last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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