So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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