I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
