i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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