I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
