I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
