i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
