At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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