i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
