it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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