Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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