Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
