Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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