new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You can't special order awesome
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
