maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
