so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
