I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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