I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
