Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize