It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Randomize
