even my farts smell like vagina
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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