i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
