sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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