the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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