Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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