Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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