Tell her she can't have a vagina
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
