I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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