marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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