Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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