You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize